Jonnathan Strawthorne

I love to write science, historical, alternate historical and appocalyptic fiction.

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The art of creative writing starts with the first word.

It is a great story. I liked it from the start. Capturing with its anticipation and intrigue. I especially like the questions that continue to come up into my mind. I feel the plot moved a bit too fast. Character development needs more focus ie: more background on the main character however that is where a good developmental edit will come in handy. Also, it needs line editing. Perhaps use an editor located on upwork.com. They are inexpensive and quite helpful. Overall the plot, character, action and intrigue are well done. I give it four stars for story style/creative imagination and mystery. Keep up the good work.

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Overall Rating
Plot
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A Good Read

I am not a fantasy fan nor reader so the writer will need to take my review with a grain of salt. I like the storyline, the characters, and the mystery. It makes for a good Sunday afternoon reading session. A number of the words used I am not familiar with as I do not read fantasy novels however over a bit of time I was able to come to understand what they meant in the context of the story. The plot flowed smoothly pulling me along with its intrigue. One critical matter that I think needs attention is the head hopping manner in which the dialogue proceeds. The author moves from Red's pov to his inner self, and many times to either his friend's pov or supposed antagonist's pov all within one chapter. I think the story, especially for a novice fantasy reader like myself would appreciate if Red's inner voice remained silent. The constant dialogue within his mind takes away from the story, is confusing at times and makes me wonder if Red is schizophrenic. Perhaps the writer may want to consider using Red to explain to a new student how the school works, what different categories are involved and how the student moves up in the cycle. One last area to consider is the antagonist. Perhaps make the antagonist more evil or cunning or manipulative. Just some thoughts to help out.

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