In your blurb, when you say "Forget her feelings" It is better to say forgot her feelings as you are speaking in past tense. In your intro when you say "but after a long time it started to slow down, flutter, and it eventually broke into pieces. Flutter is out of place and it takes away from what your trying to say. Replace this with another word that better describes the feeling of loss and heartbreak or simply take the word out. Try to be more descriptive with feelings. You seem to be listing the way Kiara feels and what she does instead of describing. When it comes to scenes, make sure that you set the mood using descriptive scenery and feelings. This will help the reader picture themselves there or even place themselves as Kiara. You seem to talk about Riley and there was a flashback of your past relationship. Be a bit more descriptive here with feelings and really set the scene up and the mood here so that people can really get the picture of just how in love Kiara was with him. It'll help the reader get a better understanding of their bond. You split the flashback into a few chapters but it might be better to put it all together in one chapter. You allude to a relationship with Travis as well but for many chapters you only focus on Riley and only mention Travis once in your first eleven chapters. When you get to him again, the relationship with him and Kiara is rushed into one chapter and lacks to portray a connection between the two. In a few of your chapters there was a bit of your thoughts (like this) or rushed descriptions. Try not to do that because it takes away from your story because it's cutting off what's going on and may put off some of your readers. You want the story to flow naturally and if the person reading is really into your book and is really loving it only to suddenly read that, it causes the story to stop. Overall, this story just needs to be revised a little more and you simply need to work on your descriptions, this is something that every author, including myself struggles with when we first begin. Try going back to your favorite book, look at the way the author describes the settings, character descriptions and feelings. This will really help you as a guide to how you should do descriptions and eventually as you grow more as a writer you'll find your own style. The story has potential and I wish you good luck.
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