Casual turns Horrific
At the start, the piece was well written with nice little background details and relatively normal happenings. And then boom. The atlas room. Desolate. Deadly.
Read the story now
The old man's intentions were something completely out of the blue. I was waiting for the horror part, and I definitely wasn't disappointed, though I would like to point out a few mistakes, though the story was written really well.
"My college is in a city, and it is an expensive city. " You wrote this at the start, and explained it slightly afterwards. I would suggest to replace this with some facts, which prove how expensive it is, or leaving it out, as that is the only part in the novel where you really tell, not show. After that, you explain, which is good, but I find the sentence unnecessary. Also, there's the repetition of the word city.
Later you wrote, "Hello there," Said the man, ... "Said" should be small.
"This pool was build by my father for my mother." In past tense, build is "built."
"It's sentimental and as so I want it kept in prime condition." Here, the "as" makes the sentence flow less well, so I think it would be better to get rid of that one word. Apart from that, the sentences are generally well made without extra words.
"I never spent more that five minutes in the atlas room," should be, "I never spent more than five minutes in the atlas room."
"and capping the expensive expensive bottle that was Jack's favourite drink." This has two times the word expensive, so either add a comma, or get rid of one of them.
"Tat night I was awakened by a tornado siren" "Tat" should be "that," though I understand that it's simply a typo.
"After a few minutes I moved down the steps into the atlas room." In this past sentence, you wrote atlas room again. The word "atlas" is mentioned too often, and it slows the reader down. Try using a few synonyms like map, or that desolate room...
"Behind the atlas, there was nothing darkness," should be "Behind the atlas, there was nothing but darkness."
"I could baarely see several oblong objects." Barely is misspelt.
"and getting smaller as they neared them bottom." Them should be the.
"the tornado was far less danger than the one I left behind." This sentence was was a great touch to the story! However, "danger" should be "dangerous."
I hope this helped! I simply am prone to noticing grammar mistakes, sorry.
Anyway, apart from those few ones, the story was marvelous (as you can see by my rating) and I also enjoyed the realistic sides of everything as well as the mystery and suspense behind the old man. Well done!