When The Road Splits
I really liked the plot of this story and the genre is also very appealing to me. The best part was, they both fit perfectly together. However, I'm not sure whether the title is appropriate or not and I'll soon come to that. The cover is okay - neither too lavish nor too bland. But, I'm not sure that it matches the title.
Read the story now
I am extremely sorry to say that I could just barely get through the first chapter. It was very boring to me, especially with the elaborate dialogues. I know people say that dialogues are the best form of showing instead of telling in a story, but I found that it was overdone in this case. I'm sure that if I made myself read further (based on the previous reviews, I really should), I'll get a better clarity on things. But, the scenes were literally fast-forwarding and just racing past. Also, I would suggest you to demarcate clearly the time-skips. Otherwise, the differing scenes get really confusing. As for the grammar, you could have worded certain sentences better; they were too elaborate and confusing. I suggest you simplify your writing largely. The funny thing here is that - and I applaud you for this - you didn't use too many big words, like I saw in many books I reviewed before. You did a great job here by trying to balance it all out. Just, take care of the sentence structure.
Overall, I love the plot of the story. I just wish that you executed it better. It really has a lot of potential. I believe that the first chapter should be attractive and mysterious enough for the reader to go on to the second chapter. This I did not find happening. It could be just me, I'm sure the rest of the story is really good. As a reader, I need to be able to tell myself that this is the book I want to pick for the day.
Good luck with your writing. I feel very bad about what I just wrote, but it's all true and it's all exactly what I feel. If I didn't put it in plain words, I'd be doing you a disservice and it would eat me up from the inside. I'd feel that I have not helped a fellow writer. I do hope you understand and not feel too bad about this. Look at the others who gave you a lot better reviews and then, a few days later, come back to mine and see what I wrote. Then, decide for yourself whether you need to implement all of this or not. Because, I, for one, write to give words to my inner voice - to satisfy myself - and this is what I would do.